10 Things You Don't Know about Women

I just submitted this original list to Esquire magazine:

1. All girls want to hear that they are hot, even when you are sure they already know.

2. We were never “the weaker sex”.

3. We always know when you are lying. If you think you are getting away with something, it is because we have decided to let you think that.

4. Do not act like you are in high school unless you actually are in high school. In which case, date a high school girl.

5. Be nice to our pets. We chose them as roommates even though they mess up the place and never pay any bills.

6. Clean up after your own pets. Don’t fool yourself into thinking we are now content to play Mommy to your baby and this is what it will be like when we get married.

7. Don’t say “I don’t believe in Valentine’s Day.” It is not Santa Claus or the Tooth Fairy. It’s a holiday. It actually happens. So make an effort.

8. Don’t “counsel” us on our “body issues” when we don’t feel like having sex with you. The majority of us do not have body issues 24/7, so don’t project one onto us.

9. We have great intuition. We know when our looks, intelligence and skills are being used for your own agenda. Just remember that we have the looks, intelligence and skills to leave you for a guy who will treat us better.

10. It’s like our mothers told us: We’re beautiful and brilliant, and any guy would be lucky to have us. Be worthy.

A Central Park sighting!

and it wasn't even a bagel!

At 8:30am, I was walking down Central Park South when I saw a racoon ambling by, looking for trash cans.

so sad

The doctor who blew up his house on E 62nd Street last week so his wife would not get it has died. They ruled it a suicide.

Butterfly

I was waiting for JDM by 7th Avenue and W 33rd Street (right outside Penn Station), which is a veritable concrete jungle of neon and stone.

I suddenly saw a monarch butterfly come out of nowhere and start flying up into the sky.

Nature always prevails.

Imagine all the noshing

I went to Strawberry Fields today, and some guy had decorated it with a peace symbol made out of bagels, blueberries and bananas. He must have gotten hungry, because there were big bites taken out of one of the bagels.

There's something not quite right about this place

I went into this place I always pass by on W 3rd Street in the Village. It's called "Best Chinese Qi Gong Tui-Na". All that is, is a back rub.

So I went in and it was the strangest place ever. It is not like a traditional spa at all. It is a long thin hallway with all of these massage beds right next to each other, with these makeshift walls between them to separate them.

It looked suspiciously like, if I was a guy, they would have offered me a happy ending, if you know what I mean. And I am pretty sure you know what I mean.

As it is, they give a pretty good back rub. $18 for 21 minutes. Not bad at all.

I am going to send a guy friend in there to find out about the offer of a happy ending. Now there is some investigative journalism for you.

Shoes, glorious shoes!

I was walking down W 34th Street between 6th Avenue and Broadway, when I saw all of these people gathered around something by a dumpster.

Apparently, some store had dumped hundreds of pairs of discontinued shoes out on the sidewalk, and people were hunting for pairs that fit them.

It reminded me of when crows scavenge around dumpsters. I took a photo with my new camera phone. Because seriously, that seems too strange to be true.

Only in New York, kids. Only in New York.

Pleasure reading

I was leaving work and I saw this elderly Jewish man, complete with yarmulke, sitting on a couch in the waiting area.

He was reading a book with the title "How to Find a Husband After Age 35."

Oy vey, indeed!

My very first photo shoot!

I had my makeup professionally done, and then had photos done because I am going to try to find work as a commercial print model.

My makeup was done by Jill Harth, a former teen model. www.jillharth.com She is the nicest person, and does a fantastic job!

Then I went to photographer Mira Mamon, who is also excellent and had been referred to me by Jill. www.miramamon.com

We started outside by a building on the West Side, but then a massive thunderstorm started up! So we went back to her apartment, which she set up like a studio, as she has all the necessary lighting equipment stored in her place. And we shot about 100 photos.

When it cleared up just a tiny bit, we took a few more outside.

I get the digital CD back in a week, then I am going to have my comp card made (a card of about 6 photos, with contact information and hair/eye color and dress size on it. You send these out to modeling agencies.)

More on this venture to come in future posts.

Even scarier

It turns out that the building on E 62nd Street that collapsed had actually been blow up by its owner, who did not want his wife to get it in their divorce settlement. He was trying to kill himself by being in the building at the time, but instead is only injured.

My God.

Very scary

Near where JDM lives on the Upper East Side, a four-story building on E. 62nd Street between Park Avenue and Madison Avenue collapsed from a natural gas leak.

Acapella aspirations

I was on the N train and a new a capella group came through, singing.

At the end, one started hawking their CD, saying "We need your help, folks! We just went copper, now we're trying to go bronze!"

and to think I saw it all on Mulberry Street

Today I walked down Mulberry Street, which is the heart of NYC's Little Italy. You can enter it on Bleecker Street in the Village and it is one long street that is edged with authentic (and pricey) Italian restaurants serving spumato, gelato, cannoli and what-have-you.

When Mulberry Street ends, it dumps you out on Canal Street, which I hate. It is the heart of Chinatown, which smells like the dried shrimp that is sold out on the sidewalks in the blistering July heat. Thanks a lot, Chinatown!